


My Angel

by ampossible013



Category: ONE OK ROCK
Genre: Angst, Cuddles, Fluff, Guardian Angel, Heartfelt, Hurt! Comfort, Lack of Plot, Love Letters, Lovers, M/M, Revelations, TakahiroMoriuchi, ToruYamashita, Toruka - Freeform, wherever you are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-03-05 09:09:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13384644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ampossible013/pseuds/ampossible013
Summary: You're my one and onlyYou are my angelYou're by my side





	1. I'm always by your side

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I am (apparently) a new A03 user, and this is my very first story I've written! I have already posted the first two chapters of this story in wattpad, so if you are too anxious to know what happens next and you have a wattpad account, you can go to wattpad and read the second chapter - which I think you won't be too anxious because there is no cliffhanger in this chapter, I don't have a fixed storyline while planning this fic too, so each chapters will not be too connected but will be somehow related (you will know it when you read the later chapters of the story, which I am still currently working on).  
> Anyways, feel free to leave comments, I really want to know how you feel about this story. Cheers ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You stared at me eyes full of fear  
> Showed that you're afraid  
> I caressed you while telling you  
> Please don't be afraid  
> I never blamed you I'm not mad   
> For concealing youself  
> Cause you are my guardian angel  
> Protecting me

"Toru?"

I heard a gasp.

"Toru? Is that you?"

No answer.

I can see a silhouette of that familiar tall and sturdy figure, there is no doubt for me to know that it's him, given the fact that have we been dating for so many years.

SO many years…

…

"Toru please, I know you're here, show yourself."

"Mmm…" Traces of reluctance in that deep, manly, familiar voice.

Then he's here, right by my side, on my bed. Instead of giving me his usual awestruck, lovesick glance towards me, he lowered his head as if he was feared by this encounter.

"Toru? Hey… can you look at me please? I don't bite. I promise." With a soft and gentle tone, I was surprised that I was not even trying.

Slowly, he looked up. Apart from the tender glance, his dark orbs were full of fear and worries.

"T… taka…"

"It's alright…" I smiled at him, then slowly started to caress his hair, hoping to calm him down and ease his fear.

That familiar yet so strange black strands which was years ago blond. Till he realized that he is ageing and should not continue to bleach his hair. I somehow have to admit, that he looks undeniably good in any hair colour.

"I… I'm sorry…"

I rarely see this side of him - being so afraid and apologetic. His voice full of emotions - it hurts my heart hearing him talking like that to me.

"No," I whispered, while feeling my emotions that were bottled up trying to escape. Despite that I forced myself not to show weakness in front of him.

.

Because he told me that it's painful seeing me cry.

And I don't want to let him feel the pain anymore.

"Toru - baby, I'm not going to be mad at you for barging into my room in the middle of the night okay?" I cupped both of his cheeks "I know I always yell at you for being overprotective towards me, but deep inside I really like it and appreciate it. I know you are always worried about me and that's alright." I tried to look at him deep in the eyes, hoping that he will understand what I mean.

It took a few seconds for him to speak again, "I… I miss the way you call me baby… it makes me feel so dotted and loved… all over again…"

I let out a little laugh, while he did the same.

.

_I'm telling you…_

"Baby?"

_I softly whisper…_

"Hmm?"

_Tonight… Tonight…_

I grabbed both of his hands and gently tugged them.

"Thank you…"

"… for protecting me."

_You are my angel…_


	2. Life is so much better with your love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You made me smile when I'm down  
> You stay when others left me  
> You heal my wounds  
> When I thought I will never recover  
> I can always come to you  
> Because I know I need you  
> Eventhough I tried to push you away  
> You'll still be here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: I'm not sure what's wrong with the A03 text box, or maybe I don't really know how to use it. The bolds and italics in my texts are all gone after I copied and pasted my work into the text box. Seemed like sometimes it's not that easier typing your work in a word processed document and then transferring it into the text box? ... 
> 
> Not much changes in the chapter that I edited, just the italics that I added on. Never know italics are so important until I started writing fics. Haha!

"Taka!"

 

"Leave me alone! Just… go away won't you!?"

 

"Taka no!"

 

"Let go of my hand!"

 

"Taka!" The grip tightens. I inwardly winced at the sight of my arm that was reddening due to the strong grip.

 

"I say, LET GO OF ME AND LEAVE ME ALONE! I don't need anyone right now to deal with all my shits!"

 

"You're so wrong Taka! How can you just push everyone away who is here for you?"

 

"I'm not pushing anyone a…"

 

"YOU ARE!"

 

.

 

"Why you just won't listen!?"

 

.

 

"I…"

 

.

 

Without even having the chance to retort or to defend myself, I was pulled into his embrace. It was not a friendly embrace, but an emotional, loving and tight embrace.

 

.

 

The kind of hug that I have been longing for.

 

"You are so stupid Taka! So stupid! Haven't I told you before _so many times_ that you can always rely on me? Why are you not trusting me enough!? Oh please tell me what should I do to let you trust me more……" he started to lament while I was lost in the shower of love he gave me……

 

Isn't that a scene that is so familiar? No matter how much I was convinced by the fact that people around me will always leave me, get tired of me because of my mood swings, temper and behaviour, he is here for me all the time - to give me a reassuring hug that everything is going to be fine; to wipe off my tears and make sure I smile again……

 

"I really don't wanna see you cry, okay? But I know you're upset right now so just cry, it's alright,"

 

I can't count of the days and nights I cried my heart out in his arms.

 

_____________________________________

 

He gave me the kind of feeling that no other person can ever give me - absolute secure. Back then when I dated other girls my heart flutters whenever we are holding hands; but when I was holding his hand for the first time, my heart did not flutter. Conversely, I felt safe and was willing to trust him enough that he'll protect me.

 

Like an angel.

 

_Yes, a guardian angel._

 

_________________________________________

 

"Hey stop it! Put me down… STAAAAPP!!" I had to admit, deep inside I actually liked it despite the tone of my voice showing otherwise.

 

He seems to know what I was thinking. He didn't stop or put me down as I asked him to.

 

"I thought you wanted me to carry you like a princess?" I like it when his usual flat and expressionless face brightens up. I wonder if he only shows this side of him in front of me?

 

"……"

 

"See? You can't even defend yourself!"

 

"……" I'm pretty sure he saw me blushing really hard like a ripe tomato.

 

"You like it right? You like it!" He leaned down to have a closer look towards my face.

 

"Okay you win! I like it!"

 

"That's my princess!" he exclaimed before leaning down to steal a quick kiss on my lips.

 

Ah, he really knows how to make my heart flutter huh?

 

Despite blushing really hard, I couldn't hide the grin on my face.

 

_Life is so much better with his love right?_

 

___________________________________________

 

"Heyyyy~ what are you doing!?" Most of the times when I'm sad and crying, he will pat my head or bring me into his arms, telling me not to be sad anymore and everything's going to be fine. But there were a few rare times where he had an exceptionally good mood or for whatever reason - he is very strange and difficult to understand sometimes, he carried me to the bed and laid me on the bed, then wrapped me up with a blanket.

 

I felt like a human burrito.

 

"What? I'm just trying to cheer you up~~" he sat on the bed and gently pulled me towards to sit on his lap.

 

"I'm not a baby! And I'm not a present for you to wrap me up that way!?"

 

"But you are my baby and knowing you is always the best present ever I've had!"

 

This man… since when you are so good in tooth-rotting words. Ah, maybe that's from some random manga or anime he read or watched.

 

Then he will bring me my favourite food (either strawberries or strawberry flavoured food) and started to feed me.

 

Of course he would not forget to give me lots and lots of cuddles - those cuddles that will make my heart melt when it's just a simple tight hug. Sometimes words are not important, just a hug from the right person will be able to make you feel so much more better.

 

Being wrapped into a human burrito I was not able to return his embrace, but I will lean my head on his chest, secretly listening to his heartbeat or savouring his so familiar smell - I got caught almost every time! Sometimes it gets too comfy that I fell asleep on his arms, without having to worry about the demons that will come get me in my dreamland.

 

_________________________________________________

 

Our relationship is never perfect. Sometimes we get into big fights, mostly because of petty things like jealousy or him not willing to do the housework with me. But the funny thing is that, _we never thought of leaving each other's side._

 

 

 

What a funny couple we are huh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's a short and hopefully fluffy chapter for this story! I'll try to post weekly, but it depends if I have the time to write, as I also understand it can be quite frustrating sometimes when writers update their work really slow.
> 
> The next chapter will be a bit angsty so stay tuned for it. Also the tone of this story will get heavier as the story progresses.
> 
> Anyways please tell me what do you think of the story! Enjoy!


	3. Wish you are here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I remember it was that day  
> I showed my weakness  
> You told me it's okay to cry  
> You were beside me  
> My feelings that were bottled up  
> I let it go  
> I am now stronger than I think  
> Cause I have you
> 
> Angst and you'll probably regret it after reading this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished writing the 5th chapter of this fic recently, and was so exhausted to continue... But I know I must not give up and complete this fic as soon as possible so you guys can enjoy it!  
> This chapter is a very short one, but I can assure you that the next chapter will be a longer one.

_True love is not someone loving you when you are at your highest,_

_True love is when that someone still loves you when you are at your weakest._

 

Long before enjoying my fame as a singer of a prestigious rock band, long before my past stories were known by almost everyone, I used to bury my dark past into the deepest remnants of my heart, not wanting it to be revealed. It is also not obligatory for me to swallow up my past stories and pent-up feelings, it's just because I could not help myself to trust others enough to open up and tell others what's bothering me, what makes me the person I am, what gives me all the negative feelings that I wished I didn't have.

 

Surprise to me back then, he is the first person I told my story to. It was not because I was drunk or high in alcohol. It was just that, since knowing him and we got closer as friends, the dam keeping all of my emotions were beginning to form cracks on it. On that particular day, it was severely broken beyond repair.

 

May I crack my brain, thinking all my way out to give myself at least a reason to why he has that 'power' to hinder me from concealing my feelings and to instead open up to him without any fear of rejection or humiliation, till today I am still unable to find a reason for that. Perhaps it's because he has been there for me all the time, no matter how unreasonable and insane I have become. His patience won over my trust towards him, and from that day onwards, it only became stronger and stronger…

 

I wonder if he is always that patient towards others, he almost never gets angry - ah alright, I saw him shouting to my ex before, demanding her to stop disturbing me.

 

That was so long ago, even before we started dating, when I told him about my dark past, and everything that had been bothering me. I remembered that day my emotions was beyond control - I bet I looked really ugly that day.

 

_____________________________________

 

_He wrapped his arms around me and stroked my back in a comforting manner._

_"Taka I'm so sorry you have to go through all of these. You don't deserve all these at all, you really don't."_

_"Toru, will you laugh at me because I cried despite me being a man?"_

_"Well, my dad used to tell me, that men should be strong and should not cry…"_

**_What?_ **

_"But you are upset right now so you should cry, release all the negative emotions, and tell yourself that you will smile from the bottom of your heart after that…"_

_"I want to see a genuine smile from you, not the fake smile indicating you are alright but deep inside you are dying…"_

________________________________________

 

_I hugged him tight as if I was going to suffocate him and pulled his body closer and closer to mine, as if I was afraid that I will lose him forever._

 

 

_________________________________________

 

 

 

 

I didn't know what made me woke up from my sleep. But I remember when I opened my eyes, I felt the corner of my eyes moistened and the pillow I was sleeping on already damped.

 

_Did I cried that much?_

 

I dreamt of that someone again, that someone who was embracing me, protecting and shielding me away from all the cruelty and merciless of this dark society.

 

_How I wish that I will never wake up from this dream._

 

When I woke up I noticed I have been unconsciously hugging his pillow in my sleep.

 

_Ah, his pillow smells like him…_

 

 

 

 

I felt my vision getting blurry and my eyes turning glassy again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any speculations of what happened between Taka and Toru? 
> 
> P.S if you feel sad reading this chapter, you are not alone, so I am while writing it.


	4. When we were young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whenever you are here  
> I can't feel much more safer  
> Cause you said I'm small  
> You swear that you'll protect me  
> Forever  
> And you hold me in your arms  
> Saying that I am all yours  
> You showered me with all your love  
> You love all of me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everybody loves the things you do  
> From the way you talk  
> To the way you move  
> Everybody here is watching you  
> Cause you feel like home  
> You're like a dream come true...

_My sweet baby,_

 

_Yes, it's you, the only you - that I am writing this letter to. I know love letters are almost outdated especially in our generation - those are things for teens, and we are no longer teens. But somehow I feel that there is a need to let this out of my chest. I just feel that there is a need to tell the person I love the most in the world how much I love him and how insane it is to fall in love with the same person over and over again despite already in love with him. I love you so much my baby, I can't…_

 

_My baby, I have been thinking: Will there be a day where we have to stop calling each other this way and revert back to calling each other in honorifics? Probably you will say that I'm overthinking about the possibilities that will happen to us in the future - possibilities that we will stop being lovers and have to settle as normal friends. But you know what? I won't let this happen to us no matter how. I have seen couples breaking up in a painful way, you and I went through all these too. This makes me think of: why there are couples who previously vowed to each other that they will love each other and will be together in eternity ended up separating? Sometimes I'm afraid that we will be the next couple in line to experience this kind of terrible breakup. But the fact is, we have been together for more than 10 years; from acquaintances to friends, from friends to best friends, from best friends to lovers - we went through a lot. I always have the conception that couples who are together for a long time tend to cease loving each other that much compared to when they first started dating, in fact this is true. We have been together for 10 years, but I couldn't feel enough love towards this man I love so much from the bottom of my heart. Will there be a day where we get separated forever? I will never let it happen._

 

_We have been away from each other for almost a month now. I know it's out of our control, our busy schedule sometimes stops us to see each other all the time, though we have been trying our best to be together quite often. Though most of the time we travel to countries together, there are still times like this where we will have to separate from each other. We are so many hours apart from each other, including a totally different time zone which makes it hard for us to contact each other through phone calls despite I miss your voice really much. I know sooner I will be back and will be able to snuggle next to you, rest my head on your lap, and whisper random stuffs to you, but still, missing you is the hardest part whenever I'm away due to work commitments._

 

_I'm not sure why I'm writing this letter to you when we can talk by texting or calling each other. Perhaps writing to you seems more sincere and I think the feeling will be totally different if you receive this through email or text. There are always words that are unable to be expressed clearly through technology……_

 

_It is getting cold in America, not too cold but the weather is still enough for me to reminisce about the old days in our past. Though missing you like crazy right now, memories of our younger days still never failed to plaster a smile on my face. I know I will be back in that position soon and we will surely be talking about the first time we held hands - I can never forget that moment. It was quite unintentional, rather silly an excuse too, but sweet to the bottom of my heart whenever I thought about it. It was late December that time, it was winter and that was one of the coldest times in the year where the temperature slowly approaches zero. I was smart enough to not wear or bring along a pair of gloves though knowing that whenever it gets dark, it gets colder. Then it started raining and the wind was getting stronger. You and I were out that day as it was our off day - instead of staying home and rot all day like we usually do._

 

_Do you remember? When you told me that you 'saw' me shivering and the tips of my fingers reddening because of the cold. I didn't know how you managed to 'see' them when I had put my hands into my pockets to keep them warm, I guess you just assumed cause you know I am a person that is really scared of cold despite living in Japan all my life. But you know me well enough, and you were right - my hands were really freezing cold that time. "Taka are you alright? Do you wanna take my hand?" While saying so you reached your hand towards me signalling me to hold it. It was awkward, I have to admit, especially that we are both men, as far as I know it is unusual for two men - even if they have been very close friends for a long time, to hold hands like that. I couldn't describe my feelings at that time, I felt happy that you offered me to hold on to you, as if it was something I have been craving for…_

 

_But craving for what? Was I craving for someone - anyone to hold my hand whenever I feel cold? Or that I was just craving for_ **_you_ ** _to hold my hand, to ruffle my hair, to put an arm around my shoulder in a friendly way?_

 

_It took me such a long time to discover what is that strange feeling I had in me - strange but in a good way. Your warm hand managed to lessen the cold I had been feeling on my hands the entire time. But you didn't know, the so little warmth on your hand managed to reach my heart. That unfamiliar warmth right on my chest I was feeling when you held my hand - gosh, I can feel it right now while writing this!_

_From that day onwards I wish I can tell you to keep holding my hand cause I really love that feeling - that unusual but at the same time unusually pleasant feeling. My heartbeat did not risen at that contact, however it made me feel absolutely secure. I have to confess, whenever we hang out together, going to places with just the two of us, I always feel safe and I trust you enough that you will take good care of me, you'll make sure we don't get lost and even if we did you won't ditch me and you will always ensure that I'm safely by your side. I always think that this is just a higher level of trust I have towards you as a friend, but I never know that it's more than that till to the point that I crave for your presence - I want you to hold my hand whenever we hang out together; I like the way you pat my hair sometimes after I finished singing my composition of our new song while giving me a compliment - and I want you to do it again; I want to lean my head on your shoulder again like it's the most natural thing to do without crossing the boundaries of our personal space. Is that a sign of greed? A sign of unusual craving and attraction towards you? It took me such a long time thinking: What all those weird feelings mean? Until the day where I finally discovered the answered, I swear my heart almost skipped a beat…_

 

_I have fallen for you. So long ago before I noticed. Cause everywhere I go, you're always in my mind. I can't stop thinking of you and I can never wait to see you again. It frustrates me whenever you told me that you couldn't hang out with me in my apartment cause you have some other things to do that day. I want to see you every single day and it makes me cry whenever I see you talking happily with our female fans or one of your female friends. It hurts me to realize that it can be possible that you don't feel the same way towards me. I was so afraid to confess cause I'm afraid of rejection - especially from the person that I like so much……_

 

_I can still remember that feeling I had - the feeling where I think that it is impossible for the two of us to be together as lovers. We are both men, such a relationship is hardly acceptable in our society. I hid my feelings towards you for god knows how long, till I noticed that you actually have the same feeling towards me._

 

_Do you remember the time you confessed to me? I swear that was the best day in my life._

 

_I am really glad that from the day you confessed till right now, our hearts still belongs to each other, our hands are still interlocking, our 'unusual side' - including the times where you are feeling unwell you wanted to be babied by me, crying for more cuddles (which can be quite annoying sometimes but it's still cute) and refused to let go even though you were practically suffocating me with your super tight hug - are still only for each other. Our undying love towards each other still exists. I remember when I was younger I tend to complain about the lack of attention and affection you gave me by annoying you with the same question all day "Do you still love me?" But as the times we date each other prolonged, I started to understand your personality of being inexpressive. You tend to look emotionless on the outside, but the more we spend our time together, I know you love me more than anything._

 

_My baby, I really want to tell you, again and again, that I love you more than every single thing in the world. I'll never get tired spending my times with you. Whenever we are apart, days feel like years. Knowing that I'll have to sleep alone on my queen-sized bed while missing you tonight, I guess I'll try hugging your pillow to help me fall asleep better…_

 

_I think there is no need for me to recount the first time we actually slept on the same bed together - it all happened because of my sleeping paralysis during one of our tours. We never know that ever since we had been sharing the bed quite frequently long before we decided to move into the same house together. That was this night when I went to bed early yet I had a really terrible dream and was crying in my sleep. You woke me up and gave me a hug, patted my back and calmed me down with your soothing words telling me everything is fine. I really love the contact and the feeling. It was also that night where I realized that there is no need for much, a simple hug and some comforting words from the right person are enough to help me calm me down and help me believe that everything's alright. I couldn't remember exactly how long we stayed in that position that night, but I remembered that calmness and warmth in my heart that you gave me. I love that feeling and I didn't want to let go. Feeling drowsy after a little while - perhaps I was already exhausted from all the crying, I heard you whispering "You are my baby, I wanna make sure you are alright, okay?" I wanted to tell you so bad that no matter how tough my life is, with you by my side, everything will be alright. I don't need much from you. I only need your presence by my side._

 

_I remembered that night we fell asleep and woke up on each other's arms. That recalled me of the first night we slept together, you practically hugged me while I was sleeping - or trying hard to get some sleep, perhaps to ease my fear away. Ah baby, are you always that sweet?_

 

_After a while together you did noticed that I am occasionally scared of the dark especially when I'm sleeping alone and I sometimes get sleeping paralysis especially after our live shows because those are really killers to my energy, so during our tours you'll always come to my room to check on me, to ensure I'm sleeping well and no nightmares. I know sometimes I feel annoyed that you knocked on my door when I was already asleep, but after I found out the reason you did that, I have no more grounds to feel annoyed whenever you knock on my hotel room door, waiting for me to open the door and give you the reassurance that I am sleeping well and you don't have to worry. Your reason was simple. "I know you feel scared easily and I just want to protect you." Sometimes I was wondering whether you did it out of mere good faith or out of an obligation of the bandleader - that it is your duty to take care of us. I want to tell you that I love being protected and I don't wish you to do the same way towards anybody else._

 

_I really hope you read this and understand that after so many years we have been together, I still crave for the same thing over and over again._

 

_I never knew the moment you came into my life destiny gave me this person, this very handsome and kind-hearted human being, for me to pull him closer and to protect him with all I can forever. Seeing you safe is my relief and happiness, and I know you feel the same way too._

 

_You are like my angel, watching over me through my ups and downs and holding me whenever I need you. I never blamed you about your pretence towards me, cause I know angels should conceal their wings in mankind._

 

_I'm not sure what made me so emotional to the point that I poured all of my feelings that I previously didn't have the chance to tell you in this letter. I hope by the time you read this I will be back in Japan, snuggling in bed by your side, listening to you reading the letter aloud and your sweet words of gratitude while showering into this undying love that you have been giving me for so many years._

 

_My angel, my baby, my everything, I miss you. I love you so much._

 

_With all my love,_

_Your sweet baby_

 

___________________________________________

 

 

 

Hell, was I always that cheesy back then?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I apologize for the slow update but here it is - finally! I'm now posting in A03 and wattpad at the same time. Chapter 5 is already up in Wattpad so hopefully I will be able to post the 5th chapter here in the next 2 days!  
> This chapter and chapter 5 really gave me a hard time writing it, I took a long time to finally finish both chapters cause I want to craft it in a way that is from Taka's emotions, perspectives and personality - not mine, which I found it really challenging to write it in a way as this is really Taka writing this letter to Toru.  
> Nevertheless I'm happy I managed to finish both chapters without quitting this fic, right now I'm still writing I haven't stopped, hopefully I will be able to complete this fic soon!  
> Please tell me what do you think about this story!


	5. All of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every day it's like we start all over  
> Missing pieces of an aching soul  
> But I will never want to say it's over  
> Cause you're the only one that makes me whole

_My baby,_

_Can I still call you that way?_

_I know we used to call each other that way when we were younger, unfortunately we are not young anymore. It is definitely the best thing ever to grow old with you together, but sometimes, I just wish that we'll never grow old. Never realized it when I was younger, but now I do, age is a bitch. I wish that we will never age and be young forever, so I can spend my eternity with you. But is it even possible? We are in Earth, a rather short-lived planet. When Earth completes one rotation around the Sun, we add one to our age. What if we live in other Planets, like Saturn or Uranus, will we be able to enjoy our youth for a longer time? …_

_I know we should not compare our age and life span with the Universe. But is there a Dimension, somewhere in the Universe, where it is timeless, so we don't have to worry about our age, and our short but fast-lapsed life?_

_I spent a good three hours today looking back at our pictures, including the ones in my phone, my laptop and a good number of them being posted on the walls, framed or unframed. I too looked back at our conversations, and realized we don't text each other much except the times when we were away from each other. I read all our letters to each other, and all the song lyrics I've written expressing my love towards you - some of them we wrote them together, stealing kisses in between._

_As letters are slowly replaced, faded from this society, I'm not sure why I'm writing this to you after so long. Knowing that you won't read them - or maybe you will, but won't react to it. I'm questioning myself and my overly emotional heart._

_I realized that one of my letters I wrote about you being my angel, watching me all the time and protecting me towards my ups and downs. I never believed in angels or fairy tales. I am never a superstitious person who believes in fantasy, nor I believe that angels exists in the world - not even the kind of angels who appears in fairy tales. But everything changes when you came into my life, from my hostility towards your attitude to when we realized that our souls complete each other if we are together. All the time since you came into my life, you are always here even though I tried to push you away, watching me doing silly stuffs with my friends; watching me crying my heart out over an anime. It was as if you were ordered by destiny to be my guardian angel, to watch and protect this stupid, light-headed, and impulsive self of mine._

_I've owed you so much in my life…_

_It feels good, having an angel beside me all the time. Not that I can show off to everybody that my handsome human being is my angel - people will just laugh it off as stereotypically angels should be female, beautiful and petite, forget about this tough-looking strong man - but that I know I have an angel who has been watching over me, I found him and I didn't let him go. I was indeed very happy when you confessed your love to me but I regret that I was reluctant to tell you my feelings earlier, because of all the buts and ifs that were swirling in my mind: But he is a man, there is no possibility that I will fall in love with a man; If he doesn't like me the same way, can we still be friends in the future? But till the day to held my hand and told me that you are in love with me, I was glad that I answered with "I wanted you to say this for so long."_

_It feels really warm, especially seeing you always worried about me - sometimes I teased you for being over-protective towards me like a mother, but I know I love the way you dot me and love me like how a lover and a mother should do. Seeing you protecting me makes me want to protect you as well, as I am older than you, the older brother should always protect the younger brother from everything that is disturbing you. I know I failed miserably as being the older among the two of us, I know I've tried, but I know I didn't try hard enough…_

_And I wish I tried harder…_

_It hurts._

_Having you as my angel. It hurts._

_I can't count of the nights that I dreamt of you. Most of my dreams are the same : I was in an unknown place, crying for your name, surrounded by loneliness, humiliation and hopelessness. I was crying and crying and I didn't know how long I had been crying. Then you magically appeared and hugged me, telling me that you're here and I don't have to worry anymore. You embraced me from the coldness of the realistic world, shielding me from all the cruelty in mankind, protecting me from all the daggers that people have been throwing at me. You accepted me in your life and love everything of me no matter how flawed I am as a person. You never asked me to change, in terms of my temper or my behaviour. Sometimes I feel sorry towards you how did you manage to stand me all of these years with my temper and mood swings - but I guess that's love._

_It hurts - every time when I wake up from my dream. I wish the dream will never end and I wish you are here again…_

_It hurts._

_Sometimes I dreamt of our younger days. When I can love you without caring about anything or anyone; also the days when I can finally hug you and hold your hand in public, proudly telling the world that you are my boyfriend and we truly love each other. Sometimes I dreamt of our first kiss together, it was unforgettable. It feels sweet, warm and familiar, but it hurts._

_I never have that much fear in my life. I didn't realized this fear gets deeper and deeper as I grow older._

_Do you feel the same way too?_

_Please be alright, and I'll be alright._

_I love you._

_Sending all my love,_

_Takahiro_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised I will be uploading this chapter in a few days after I finished uploading chapter 4. But it will be taking me a while before I post the next chapter cause I am still in the process of writing the last two chapters. 
> 
> Anyways I am looking forward to your reaction in this chapter, this is again a letter written by Taka to Toru, both letters in chapter 4 and 5 have their connection and reason why Taka wrote both of these letters to Toru. All of these answers will be disclosed in the last two chapters (chapter 7 and 8)
> 
> Enjoy!


	6. My little princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When demons are here to crush and break you  
> Don't be worry
> 
> I'll be on your side no matter how  
> No one can hurt you

**(Toru's POV)**

 

I barged into his room again.

 

He was not startled.

 

I guess he was too tired.

 

His sleeping features calmed me down.

 

I brushed his fringes to the side to have a clearer look of his sleeping face.

 

Then I realized he is always beautiful to me.

 

 

I leaned down and kissed his forehead.

 

 

_Goodnight princess._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me for this update. I deliberately kept this chapter so short because this chapter is based on Toru's POV. The next chapter will be angsty again so be prepared for it. Thank you in advance for those who will read this!


	7. All that's done forgiven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been so lost since you're gone  
> Why not me before you?  
> Why does fate deceive me?  
> Everything turned out so wrong
> 
> Why did you leave me in silence?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers,
> 
> I will not be publishing the 8th and final chapter of "My Angel" next week due to my hectic schedule, I have very limited to no time to write. I hope I will be back at the week after next though I can't promise you guys.
> 
> Hopefully this chapter will be a cliffhanger towards the ending. Enjoy!
> 
> -Kay-

_"Baby you can't just turn away like that! What about me? What can I do without you!?"_

 

_"Stop calling me baby! DON'T call me baby!"_

 

_"Why are you so heartless! And what's wrong is it for me to call you baby!"_

 

_"Taka, listen. This is a hard decision I have to make. I have to leave. That's for your own good, not mine!"_

 

_"Why you must make that decision!? Did you ever thought about how I feel about it?"_

 

_"Well then did you ever thought about MY feelings?"_

 

_"Y…you… You don't love me anymore? …"_

 

_"Whatever you want to say! I've had enough of you asking me this question!."_

 

_"H…how can you say such a thing like that … to me? …"_

 

_"Now what's wrong with it?"_

 

_"……"_

 

_"……"_

 

_"I… I'm sorry… Toru… I… I'll let you go… okay? …"_

 

_________________________________

**(Toru's POV)**

I didn't want to let him go at all. I know I'm hurting him, but at the same time I'm hurting too.

 

Reality is cruel.

 

What should I do?

 

____________________________________

_"Can you say 'I love you' to me for the one last time, please?"_

 

_"Okay. I love you Takahiro."_

 

_"Thank you…"_

 

_"No worries…"_

 

___________________________________

**(Toru's POV)**

 

People may say I'm cruel for hurting him like that…

 

But I know that's the only way to make me feel less guilty and less upset.

 

Of course I want him to call me baby again…

 

Of course I don't want to leave him… and I know walking away does not bring any good for the both of us… at all.

 

I know he's upset, cause I feel the same…

 

I still love him, deep inside he knows it, and I know he loves me too …

 

____________________________________

**(Toru's POV)**

 

I promised myself that I will protect my little princess no matter how.

 

And I'm sure I will always keep my promise.

 

_Please wait for me._

 

______________________________________

**(Taka's POV)**

 

For someone so talkative, facing this situation, I have no words at all…

 

 

_Life is hard._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Taka wait for Toru?
> 
> And most of all, will they be back together?


	8. I will be forever with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll be with you forever  
> Cause I can't live without you  
> Just come to me  
> I'll embrace you and I won't let go  
> You're strong when I am weakest  
> You're standing when I crumble  
> I know you need me just as much  
> As I need you

Looking at our photos before I go to sleep has been my daily routine. No matter how tired I am that night, I still remind myself to at least spare a good 10 minutes to open my gallery files in my phone and have a good look of his face… Thousands of our selfies that we took together all these years we dated, his smile in most of our photos enough to melt my heart. Apart from his usual dead Gachapin eyes, I like how his expressions changes whenever we are together.

 

_Baby, I hope you are still happy now…_

 

I blankly stared at my bedroom door, waiting for him to barge into my room again to check if I have fallen asleep. I have been doing this almost every single night, it's crazy how us humans always take things for granted. I used to yell at him for barging into my room or waking me up at the middle of the night, only to know that he was just going to check whether I am sleeping well without nightmares or to drape an extra blanket on me to make sure I stay warm at night.

 

_I terribly miss his overprotectiveness._

_Baby, I'm so sorry…_

_I really am…_

_So sorry…_

_Baby please come back…_

_I can't live without you…_

_The world is dark and cruel._

_People are terrible and insincere…_

_Baby…_

_Baby…_

_Please come back, and I will promise that we will be together forever…_

_Please…_

 

 

 

I felt a warm body pressing close to mine.

 

I opened my eyes, and could not believe at the sight in front of me.

 

"Baby!? You're here! You're back!" My eyes widened in surprise, sleepiness gone instantly. I was extremely happy deep inside to see him again but tears kept streaming down my face. I was smiling and crying at the same time, my emotions that were bottled up for so long finally gave in in front of the man I love so terribly much for so many years…

 

He stared at me so tenderly and smiled at me, before pulling me into his embrace again.

 

"Yes baby, I'm here~ It's really me." Oh how much I miss his voice. Hearing his voice with my own ears makes me even more emotional. I squeezed him so tightly, clung on his waist like the clingy boyfriend I have always been.

 

"Baby where have you been! I miss you so much and I'm so worried about you!"

 

_I miss your love…_

_I miss your hugs…_

_I miss your protectiveness towards me…_

_I miss your possessiveness towards me…_

_I know it's hard to say I miss you…_

_It's always hard to say "I miss you"…_

 

"I miss you too, my baby. I'm so sorry for leaving you and making you suffer, must be very tough for you right?"

 

_Yes, it was tough. I couldn't count of the days and nights I've cried for him…_

_But the most important thing is that, we are finally together now._

_Nothing can separate us again._

_Never ever._

"I've read your letter," he continued speaking when I didn't reply "It was so emotional… my heart broke seeing you being so sad. I wanted to comfort you but I couldn't; I wanted to write back to you but I realized I couldn't think of anything to write at all…"

 

"You must be crying while writing it right? … I saw tears stains on the paper…"

 

I've got so many things to say to him, the fact that we were separated for so long makes me long for this particular person whom I can talk to whenever I am having any problems or sometimes I just want to share my very little happiness to him. I miss talking to him and I definitely miss all the long night conversations where we lost track of time, leaning on each other talking and joking about stupid random stuffs. The fact that he doesn't talk much never makes me feel bored talking to him, as deep inside he can be a good talker but he just has to be with the right person at the right time.

 

I got absolutely many things to tell him, but I realized I couldn't talk at all. My vision was blurry and my breathing was laboured. A loud sob that I could no longer stifle makes me realize how hard I was actually crying.

 

And him being the understanding husband as he has always been, squeezed me tighter and started stroking my back to calm me down.

 

I was absolutely overwhelmed the moment I saw someone I truly love that I missed so much.

 

 

**(Toru's POV)**

His sobs resonated directly in my ears. He was squeezing me so tight as he cried and cried into my shoulder.

 

I can understand his feeling. Totally. I know I am not a sentimental person but I have to admit that we were both emotional looking back what we had to go through before coming together as a couple again.

 

_______________________________

 

I was cold towards him. I tried to suppress my feelings and emotions towards him and put on a straight face in front of him. Blandly I told him that I am leaving him cause I think we are no longer suitable together. He was devastated about it but so am I seeing the man I love so much crying in front of me begging me to hold on.

 

Never I am afraid to lose my loved ones, as I always tell myself that life is all about moving on and not dwelling at the past. But facing this situation I could not be more afraid in my life…

 

I was afraid of the heartbreaks, the sadness; I was afraid of the unwillingness of the both of us knowing the fact that sooner or later, things will change and we will have to move on. Being the idiot I have always been, I chose - and tried - to end our relationship in a cruel way. I wanted him to forget about me, and I wanted to forget about him.

 

Because I know, the fact that we love each other so much and vowed each other to be together, there is always one day when we will be separated. And I was not ready for that. At all.

 

____________________________________

 

As I was sinking myself deeper into my thoughts, the sobbing ceased. My heart almost skipped a beat. _Is he alright?_

 

I tried looking over my shoulder and saw the little man resting his head comfortably on my shoulder.

 

Ah, I guess he was tired from all the crying.

 

"Baby," I gave him a little tap on his shoulder, "Are you tired? Do you wanna sleep for a while?"

 

Still burying his face into the crook of my neck, he shook his head lightly.

 

_But why?_

 

"Baby, if I fall asleep right now, you will not be by my side when I wake up…" Teary eyed looking at me right into the eyes while he whispered to me. I understand the reason he was worried.

 

"I won't, baby, I promise. I'm not going to leave you anymore and nothing can separate us again." I tried to give him my reassurance though I know it may be not enough for him to get some sleep safely without worrying. I pulled him into my embrace again and slowly shifted my position to make him rest his head on my shoulder.

 

"Baby, sleep here." I stroked his back gently, trying to make him comfortable.

 

"Sing for me to sleep please?" he whispered. "Baby~"

 

_____________________________________

**(Taka's POV)**

_"My baby, sweet baby~_

_I see you smile when I close my eyes_

_Cause I miss you_

_I need you_

_Now…"_

 

I smiled right at the moment I heard his singing voice. He is undeniably a good singer but he sacrificed himself and let me be the vocalist of his band.

 

I never deserve a man so kind like him.

 

It reminds me the days where I sometimes sang him to sleep when he was sick or when he woke up from a nightmare, whining that he couldn't go back to sleep. I terribly miss the days when he laid on my lap, closing his eyes while listening to me, at the same time trying to fall asleep. I wanted to go back to the days where I lightly stroked his hair to soothe him and kissed his forehead lightly, while he blushed and smiled at the contact.

 

But the good thing is, he's by my side again. I know he's happy to see me again, I am too.

 

Immersing myself into his voice, I let out a soft sigh and I closed my eyes…

 

 

_____________________________________

**_Epilogue_ **

 

I see people around us. People that we love, people that we don't even know they exist, people who hates us because we are both men but chose to be together. I see people crying tears of happiness because we are finally together again; I see people congratulating us because we overcame all odds and obstacles and stayed together as a couple. I see my friends who are happy for us; I see people who are jealous of our relationship but they didn't know how much we went through, all the heartbreaks, all the jealousy fights, all the attempts of us trying to delete each others' numbers, shouting at each other that we will never see each other again - but we are still together despite all those. I can see so many people around us, it seems like we are at the centre of attention again like we used to be in our younger days.

 

But no. _They can't see us._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're my one and only love  
> You are my angel  
> Stay by my side


End file.
